I have a little story for you….
I was reading something that provoked a memory of a very defining moment in my life about 8 or 9 years ago that I feel the need to share right now. The setting: Laying in bed, cosy and warm, my monkey brain was going a million miles a minute.
Hammering me with these thoughts, my monkey brain was saying: “Oh My Goodness, I’m going to be 90-something one day and be laying here in the EXACT same position wishing I took more risks”. And further, “how could I live a whole entire life always wondering what my life could be if I took a risk, if I did something that no one would expect, if I faced a fear and some difficult times”.
My thoughts continued to race:
- Would I be okay?
- Would I make it?
- Would people still love me? Nevermind love, would they like me?
- Would I have money?
- Would I grow old never knowing?
I cried for what seemed to be the whole entire night. Assuming these crazy thoughts would leave my head once the sunshine was peaking through my window in the morning, I fell asleep. But … guess what? To my dismay they returned yet again, the next night.
Was I going crazy? I had everything. I mean, really… how could I be questioning anything. I had the perfect scenario – two cars, sweet marketing job, lovely house, a great guy, 2 dogs, a cat. On the outside, everyone thought life was peachy keen. But on the inside I had this major knot growing bigger and bigger. It was so exciting, yet so incredibly frightening. It was like the best anticipation you’ve ever felt in your life, coupled with the most horrible dread and fear. I felt like 10 people were pulling my arm one direction to make me stay put, but 1000 people were pulling me the other direction.
So I began journalling my journey. I wrote and wrote and wrote the most non-sensical (or at least it seemed that way at the time) stuff, I wrote out my dreams of living with passion! Living with a lust for life that I had not yet experienced. I wanted it all, I wanted to change the world, I wanted to make a contribution bigger than myself, I wanted to help people be healthier.
But most of all, I wanted to be madly effortlessly in love with life.
I’ve had the joyous opportunity of knowing many people madly in love with life. One of them was sleeping right next to me. So I did it. I took the biggest risk of my life and I made some major life changes. And guess what? I have no regrets whatsoever.
Some people say everything happens for a reason. While this is sweet and nice, I disagree. You make things happen due to your choices. I know that when I’m 90 or 100 -something laying in my bed I won’t look back and wish I had taken more risks. I will continue to push myself as much as I possibly can, even when I’m uncomfortable.
Joyously follow your dreams, no matter how big they might be.
That’s all I wanted to share. I hope you enjoyed my little story : )